Profiles
Sean Harney - Chairman
Born: 1961
Poly History: Third team captain 2004/05 – 2005/06, made debut in 1988 for Poly Second Team
Football team: Bradford City FA Cup winners 1911, Premier league 1999 – 2001.
Football player I admire: Tony Adams
How team mates would describe me: He has the diplomatic skills of Henry Kissinger, the wisdom of King Solomon and the sporting ethics of Pierre de Coubertin.
Who I would invite to a dinner party?: Biffa Bacon, Leonardo da Vinci, Homer (Greek version), Oliver Reed and a translator.
Other interests: My wife Gina and Reggae music, Italian designer clothes and Clarins for men.
Barry Madigan - Secretary & Strollers Captain
Born: 1952
Poly History: Debut for Poly 8th team in 1977 and scored - might have been my last goal! Played for Sevenths, Sixths, Fifths and had appearances in Fourths and Thirds but only once even though we won 5-0! Sixth team captain 1983 - 1987, League winners 1984; Eighth team captain 1990 - 1995 & 2002 - 2004; Seventh team captain 1999 - 2002, AFA Cup winners 2000; Ninth team captain 2004-2006
Football team: Tottenham Hotspur.
Football player I admire: Jimmy Greaves
How team mates would describe me: As kindly as possible if they want to be selected. Oh, and longest in the shower!
Who I would invite to a dinner party?: Delia Smith, Jamie Oliver, Nigella Lawson, Gordon Ramsey - Someone would have to cook it!
Likes: Golf, Soul music, BMWs, Weston-Super-Mare, White Christmas
Dislikes: Mercedes drivers and cyclists present company excepted, and disciplinary paperwork.
Terry Buckland - Treasurer
Alan Partridge interviews Terry Buckland reluctant Polytechnic Treasurer with no financial training whatsoever
So Jimmy I have been talking to your team mates in the Poly 3’s
Sorry?
Jimmy! Jimmy Bullard – long haired, ridiculously tight shorts, aging jack the lad throwback to the 1970’s – Ford Capri, Shoot Annuals and Perms – coming back to you now?
I can sort of see where they are coming from Alan although Tony Hickson (fellow Poly 3’s) is giving me a run for my money on the tight shorts stakes these days. Did they have anything positive to say about me?
Let me think – oh yes – at the age of 47 they all think this will be your last season upsetting the opposition, being ultra nice to refs and occasionally igniting Sean Harney’s short fuse with your annoying wind ups.
They’ve got that wrong then.
Come on! Even Sir Stanley Matthews eventually called it a day and your footballing abilities are probably more akin to his granddaughter Meg Matthews!
I meant my age Alan– I am now 48.
Your team mates won’t like me saying this Terry and I am a little concerned myself as there is something going on in my right pocket (my favourite one) - but you look years younger.
Thank you Alan I have always been a big fan of yours, especially your character “Loads of Money” – what a top bloke!
You’re confusing me with Harry Enfield?
Sorry?
They said you had a problem with players’ names, going slightly deaf and had inherited Sir Bobby Robson’s memory!
Don’t you want to know about my likes and dislikes, my long amateur career in the SAL (Norseman, Polytechnic, Bank of England and Poly again) and various Sunday morning leagues, my midweek matches and overseas tours with the Royal Institute of Chartered Surveyors. My family, my business, the Under 10’s I coach, my string of ex-model girlfriends?
Not really.
End of interview
Pete Bamforth - Membership Secretary
Born: Yes. In 1967.
Poly History: Debut in 1990, played for a range of teams in the (ahem) lower end of the club. High point was a few seasons in the 6s, back when I used to score goals – reached two cup finals with them, winning one and coming second in the other. Went on to play for the 7s and captained the side for 2 and a half seasons. Why the half? Well I’m claiming that one as we won the league that year with me sort of half captaining the team. Sort of. When I took over completely we got relegated twice, so I thought it better to hand over to Alan McDermott (see below). He continued the tradition. I’m now playing for the vets or anyone who’ll have me in their team.
Football team: Manchester United
Football player I admire: Paul Scholes – a consummate professional, and quite short.
How team mates would describe me: Quite short.
Who I would invite to a dinner party?: Am I paying for this hypothetical dinner party? Cos it makes a big difference…..
Likes: Football (is that too obvious?), mountains with snow on, greek food, motorbikes, time spent with friends and those little plastic things that stop the lid of the box sticking to your takeaway pizza.
Dislikes: Being coerced into writing a “short biography” for a football club website. Traffic.
Ryan Lamb - Fixture Secretary
 |
Born: 1970
Poly History: Started in 92' part of the Pat Costello army and full member of the 2am Thursday training session gang (along With Peter Bamforth). Scored the first ever goals for the now defunct 10's & 11's. Generally played in the lower teams. Skippered the 9’s for a season before managing the 7’s for two seasons. Over the 3 years, one the SAL Cup, numerous runners up medals but only one relegation. Also proud holder of two "w*nker of the Tour" awards (Prague & Antwerp - Remember the stripper wearing the Poly shirt). Scored over a hundred goals from Midfield (just), including the best Hat-Trick John Keane had ever seen
Football team: Man Yooo (plus local sides Cardiff & Brentford).
Football player I admire: Norman Whiteside
How team mates would describe me: Who?
Who I would invite to a dinner party? Benny Hill, Lucy Lovelace, Debee from Dallas & George Best
Likes: Growing old gracefully
Dislikes: Scousers, Arsenal and Cricket
|
Jeremy Seales - 1st Team Captain & Training Organiser
Born: 1976
Poly History: Debut 2005 for Poly 1stTeam. Player Coach 2007-2008
Football team: Wellington Phoenix
Football player I admire: John Pybus
How team mates would describe me: Large
Who I would invite to a dinner party?: The Poly 1st Team
Other interests: I am a Kiwi so all sports. I especially like watching the Aussies and the English lose.
Richard Storrs - 2nd Team Captain
Keith Johnston - 3rd Team Captain & Website Manager
Born: 1982
Poly History: First season 2006/07, Third team captain 2007/08 - present
Football player I admire: Lucas Radebe
How team mates would describe me: Calmness & diplomacy personified.
Likes: Brechin City, Leeds United, referees.
Dislikes: BMW Drivers, Cyclists.
Omid Malek - 4th Team Captain
Mark Cullen - Results Secretary
Born: 1976
Poly History: Debut Oct 1998 for Poly 3rd, 3 seasons as 4th team skipper
Position: 'Holding' central midfielder (Paul Lambert role)
Football team: Motherwell, Scotland, Poly 4th XI
Football player I admire: Diego 'Hand of God' Armando Maradona
How team mates would describe me: Scottish, hairy
Who I would invite to a dinner party? Scarlett Johansson and Jessica Alba. They'd be stuffed
Other interests: Driving BMWs
Favorite quotes:
“Goals change games” Andy Gray
“What drama!” Andy Gray
Dominic Rowles - 5th Team Captain
Dom Rowles, a Polytechnic legend, has been with the club for over 10 years and captain for 6 of those. On the pitch well known for the lateness of his tackles from midfield, he hasn't scored for 3 seasons. Usually substitutes himself minutes before the final whistle to avoid paying full match fees. If you do join the 6s, you get a chance to join the 6th XI tour to Crecy in France, the football event of the calendar.
Dave Newman - 6th Team Captain
Mansingh Gujadhur - 7th Team Captain
Born: 1970
Poly History: Joined Poly 8 XI in 2006 after deciding to retire from senior football. Recommended by Gavin Carter (former 8 XI captain) to step up and help the team's progress for season 08/09
Football team: The Arsenal
Football player I admire: Zinedine Zidane. Sadly proves that every great player has their breaking point.
How team mates would describe me: Very, very, very laid back, however, I have an alter-ego which is reflected when I play ball
Who I would invite to a dinner party? Zinedine Zidane, I’d have to ask him that apart from Materazzi chest, what else was going through his head on that day?; Gandhi; Winston Churchill; Martin Luther King; Jimi Hendrix, Bill Hicks; Hitler (can you imagine Winston Churchill & Hitler in the same room, I’d like to see Ghandhi resolve that one with a non-violence approach).
Other interests: My son so I don’t have time to watch films etc; cooking (yes, cooking!); travelling, surfing, skiing, fishing; anything outdoors and away from the city.
Favorite quotes:
“Without struggle, there can be no progress” Frederick Douglas
“Success is the ability to go from one failure to another without loss of enthusiasm” Winston Churchill
"If God did not intend for us to eat animals, then why did he make them out of meat?" John Cleese
Alan McDermott - 9th Team Captain
Born: MCMLXXI. Too late, making me a bit of an old f*rt. Or maybe too early, so I had to go to school in Liverpool through the time when Liverpool FC won everything.
Poly History: 7th team 2005-2008, sadly re-designated as the 9s from 2008. Skipper since 2007.
Football team: The Mighty Everton Champions of the previous millenium!
Football player I admire: Neville Southall. Loyal, eccentric, devoid of vanity and worse dressed than me, or Matt Le Tissier for all the same reasons, except he sadly didn't play for the Mighty Blues.
How team mates would describe me: Probably like Alf Garnett described his son-in-law. As a footballer, a bit like a cheap rip off of a Swiss Army knife - not very sharp with dodgy joints but crudely effective at a range of simple things.
Who I would invite to a dinner party?: Juliette Binoche - weakness for classy foreign lasses! Plus George Bush and John Prescott to make me appear more urbane, sophisticated and articulate in her presence.
Likes : Wife and daughter of course, Orwell, Chip Butties, Wodehouse, Monty Python, Lie-ins, Dylan, the Beatles, Seedy Northern Boozers, Dawkins, Chomsky, whoever is playing against Liverpool next.
Dislikes : Liverpool FC, their whining delusional fans, players and all the Shanks faux mythology. Gobsh*te controversialist columnists like Jeremy Clarkson, Richard Littlejohn and Julie Burchill. Big Brother and the rest of its godawful genre. Sky-hype of the Premier League - Grand Slam Sunday? Wot the chuffin 'ell is that all about? Maybe Max can enlighten me. Celine Dion and just about any other music my otherwise wonderful better half likes.
Horace McDonald -Vets Captain
Post: Vets Skipper
Born: Nov 1963
Poly History: Debut November 2006. Won Vets Player of the Year in first 2 seasons scoring 9 goals in 6 games in first season and 23 in 16 in 2nd. Compared to most of the squad I'm a real 'newbie' as many of the team have been connected with the club for over 20 years.
Football team: Crystal Palce
Football player(s) I admire(d): Ian Wright, Thierry Henry and I thought Chris Armstrong could have been one of the best players this country ever produced.
How team mates would describe me: Quick, good finisher, always late and moans too much . . . .
Nickname: None
Goals scored in the last 4 seasons: Over 40 in 2 and a half season
Sendings off in 20 years at the Poly: None
Average number of players who listen to my team talks: Most (but soon forget as we know how to play).
Interesting statistic: None